Moms Council: How Can You Build A Child's Self-Esteem?

How Can You Build A Child's Self-Esteem?

From Melisa Thorne:

As with any other parenting responsibility, building your children's self-esteem is an on-going process and very important.

A child's feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for his or her confidence and enables the child to set out to try new things on their own.

As any parent knows, self-esteem is a moving target, sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. So, it's really important to help your child develop pride and self-respect and look for opportunities that allow you to do this.

Here are some things that I find successful:

• I pay attention when my children are talking. I listen and make eye contact, when my daughter sees that she has my undivided attention, it gives the message that I think what she has to say is important.
• I encourage my girls to explore something new, such as trying a new sport or making new friends. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success and if they fail, well at least they can take away a lesson from the experience.
• I make an effort to acknowledge the good things my kids do. For example, I'll say "good job on picking up your room" or "thank you for helping your sister brush her teeth." This gives them a sense of accomplishment.
• I never compare siblings. My parents were old school and did quite a bit of this and it drove me crazy. Never say comments such as "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Every child is unique despite being raised by the same parents. Find ways to celebrate your child's individuality. Along the same lines, when my daughter complains that she isn't as good as her friends at something, I empathize with her and emphasize one of her strengths, such as "Lucy has been doing gymnastics for a long time and is really good, just as you're a really good swimmer."
• Finally, I give encouragement and support. A child will believe they can do anything if they see that someone they love and trust also believes that they can accomplish a task.

From Cristine Warren-Linn:

When my daughter was born, I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. I wanted to make sure I was going to do everything in my power to bring up a healthy, happy, self-confidant child. 

Reading the “How to be a Mom” books when she was an infant kept me busy. A lot of the information I learned went right out the window when it was time to apply my parenting skills.

Teaching children to have self-confidence isn't as easy as it sounds. I thought there was a formula to doing this.  If I said the right things, made sure they did the right things then the result would be confidant children. Unfortunately, there is no magic formula. 

Through trial and error I have learned that the best way to build my children’s self-confidence is by letting them do things for themselves even if the result isn’t perfect. Whether it's watching my son struggle to zip up his coat for 10 minutes or letting my daughter get dressed by herself and the result being a “fashion don’t,” I have learned to let them do things for themselves and feel happy with what they accomplished . 

Before I learned to do this I would jump right in and say “let me zip that for you” or “your clothes don’t match, let’s go change.” A lot of times this would frustrate my children and make them feel like they couldn’t do things on their own. I found I was doing more harm than good.

Who cares if it takes 10 minutes for my son to zip his coat or if my daughter’s shirt is on backwards? Letting my children be independent has been extremely difficult for me to do. I have learned the best way to build my children’s confidence is to be less controlling and let my children take pride in doing things for themselves even if the results aren’t perfect.

From Christa Ciccia:

Today it's easy for children to get a negative sense of themselves, especially if they are school aged. Other kids can be harsh and cruel with their words. I’ve found that “positive self-talk” has worked well in providing a solid foundation for my children’s self-perception.

No parent enjoys hearing from their child that they can’t do it, or that they aren't good enough. Positive self-talk is great in this respect.

We try to always use sayings such as “you can do it," "learning is fun," or "I believe in you” when our kids seem to get discouraged with themselves. Around our house we post famous quotes, such as, “Rome was not built in a day,” “Try, try again,” and “I think I can, I think I can."

For my older son we post motivational quotes like, “Our greatest glory is not in falling, but in getting up every time we do. And, “The mind is everything: what you think, you become.” We repeat these sayings often. These messages are motivational and influence a child’s values.  With this positive foundation it's difficult for any obstacle to keep them down from long.